What is Attraction?
It is the feeling of desire or interest you have for another person. You may have heard ” Attraction ” used in a sexual or romantic context, but it’s not limited to this category.
There is no single scientific theory that explains attraction between people. In trying to describe all the different ways that we can experience attraction, people have come up with several different types. You might admire someone for their intelligence or appearance. You may be interested in them romantically, friend-wise, or in any other way.
The attraction of different types can change over time, and is affected by a variety of factors. You may have noticed that sometimes, it’s not necessary to do much to alter your feelings or preferences. This is completely normal.
Attractions are unique experiences that cannot be categorized into one size fits all.
How does human attraction work, and why is it important?
Understanding attraction is important because it’s a crucial factor in building personal relationships. You can gain a better understanding of yourself and why you are attracted to certain people.
Experts in mental health have identified several factors that can influence our ability to form relationships and be attracted to others. These include:
- The term proximity can be used to describe the physical closeness, or how frequently we cross paths online or in person.
- Knowing what to expect is familiarity. It can be a reference to familiarity with a person or a place, or even to resemblance to our own personal characteristics.
- We gravitate towards people with similar attitudes, wants, and opinions.
- We are more likely than not to like someone who likes us if we reciprocate.
What are the types of attraction?
Researchers have classified attraction into three broad categories:
Physical attraction. You’re attracted to someone’s appearance.
Social attraction.
Task Attraction
You are drawn to another person because of their qualities, skills, knowledge or abilities that help or fulfill you.
Sexual attraction
It is a desire for sexual contact between people of the same gender or with other men and women. Lust is a strong sexual desire, and may include or not include affection. You can find someone sexually attractive who you do not know, like a model from a magazine.
You may hear of a “smush,” which is when you are very sexually attracted towards a certain person. Consider it the sexual equivalent of a crush.
Sensual attraction
This is also known as physical attraction. It involves a desire to be close and have physical contact, but not necessarily in a romantic or sexual context. This could include cuddling or hugging.
Emotional attraction
It is a desire to feel close or connected, which may or may include physical contact. This type of attraction is present in most relationships.
You may hear the following terms used to describe emotional attachment and attraction:
- When you are looking for a non-romantic and non-sexual relationship (in otherwords, you just want to be good friends), you use the term Platonic.
- When your desire for emotional intimacy is neither romantic nor platonic, you can use the word “alternative”.
- When you want to have a strong, emotional relationship but not romantic with someone. This is the nonromantic equivalent of a crush.
- They are often associated with the community, but anyone can have them. These relationships are often associated with the asexual group, but anyone of any homosexual orientation is welcome to have them.
Romantic attraction
You’re attracted to someone because you want a romantic relationship or love. This type of attraction involves a combination of physical and sexual feelings as well as emotional ones. It may happen immediately after you meet someone or over time. You can be attracted romantically but not sexually to someone.
- Aromatic is used when there’s no desire for romance (but you might want to have a sexual relationship).
- When you are primarily romantically inclined towards yourself.
- Biromantic is when you feel romantic feelings towards people of both genders.
- Demiromantic is when you only feel romantic feelings after you have built a relationship with someone.
- Grayromantic is when you have little romantic feelings.
- When you feel romantic feelings for people who are the opposite gender, this is called heteroromantic.
- Homosexuality is when you feel romantic feelings for people who are the same gender.
- When you are panromantic and romantic towards people of both genders.
- Polyromantic means that you are romantically attracted to multiple genders, but not necessarily.
Aesthetic appeal
This is a feeling of admiration towards a person. This type of attraction is often accompanied by other forms of attraction. You may be attracted by someone’s style and still feel physically drawn to them.
It doesn’t have to be sexual or emotional. You may be attracted by someone’s appearance, even if you do not know them. For example, you might admire the hairstyle and clothing of a stranger or an actor.
Intellectual attraction
You admire someone’s way of thinking if you are attracted by their intellect. You might want to engage in stimulating discussions with them, or you may want their expertise on a particular topic.
What to do with different types of attraction
Attraction can be difficult to understand because it is so complex. Understanding your feelings will help you make good decisions on whether or not to act upon your attraction. Here are a few tips to help you process your feelings of desire:
Determine the type of attraction that you feel. Think about what you like about the person, such as their intellect or sense of humor. Consider how these qualities align with your own values and what you’re looking for in a friend or partner.
Develop self-awareness. Allow yourself the space and time you need to accept your preferences and understand what you are looking for in a relationship. You will be able to clarify your priorities and are less likely than ever to disappoint someone or mislead them.
Set and maintain boundaries in the beginning of a relationship. This helps the other person to understand your expectations.
Be ready for change. You or your partner’s preferences and desires may change with time. Communicate openly and be flexible to avoid emotional backlash.
Do not follow a model. There is no “right way” to build a relationship or be attracted to someone. Respecting yourself and others as a priority is a valid preference. You are the only one who can decide on what type of relationship you wish to have.
Do not hesitate to ask for help from a mental healthcare professional if you are having trouble managing your emotions or your relationships. You might find that guidance can help you to make better social decisions and gain clarity.
Takeaway
It is the feeling that you like someone and want to be close in some way. It doesn’t have to be sexual or romantic. People have identified different types of attraction ranging from the aesthetic (like someone’s appearance) to the emotional and intellectual. In most relationships, there are more than one type of attraction.